Psychotherapy for Low Self-esteem
It is not unusual for our confidence to fluctuate as life challenges us in ways which may leave us feeling less than. Often, this discomfort motivates us to push ourselves further and accomplish a greater sense of achievement. When low confidence becomes persistent, however, affecting the way we interact or how we see the world and ourselves, it can become problematic. Let us explore self-esteem, signs of low self-esteem and what some of the treatment options are, below.
What is low self-esteem?
Self-esteem is directly linked to the view we have of ourselves. We have healthy self-esteem if that view is positive, and low self-esteem when we see ourselves, more often than not, in a critical light. Throughout our life primary care-givers, siblings, teachers, friends, the media, and culture (especially through advertising) can tell us things, good and bad, about ourselves; those negative messages can end up staying with us for years after, influencing the way we view ourselves. This is known as ‘introjection’, and is the basis of our critical voice.
Left untreated long-term, low self-esteem can become harmful to our mental health and have an impact on daily life and the way we see the world around us. This is when our introjected critical voice has become too loud. Low self-esteem can encourage the belief that we are not able to deal with the challenges life throws our way, because we are inept and incapable of dealing with them. Self-esteem is also directly tied to our confidence, which means that when our self-esteem dips, our confidence often follows. Consequently, we can end up with a negative, distorted image of ourselves, and our capabilities, in general.
Signs of low self-esteem
Low self-esteem enforces critical thought patterns such as ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am not skinny enough’, ‘I am a bad friend’ or ‘I am not smart enough’. These are only a few examples, but negative thoughts can draw on any insecurities we may have and amplify them to a point where we begin to shy away from social situations or anything that might challenge us. This is mostly because we fear we will not be able to live up to those extremely high standards we set for ourselves, and want to avoid the potential for making a fool of ourselves. This kind of thinking tends to reinforce our doubts and fears, and teaches us to cope by avoiding anything new. Some signs that you might need a therapist for low self-esteem include:
Criticising ourselves
Blaming ourselves
Focusing only on our weaknesses and not the positives
Unassertiveness
Inability to make decisions
Being overly apologetic
Avoiding challenges for fear of failure
Trying to be perfect
Feeling self-conscious
An eagerness to please
Not thinking much of ourselves
Hating ourselves
Feeling worthless
Feeling undeserving of enjoyment and not thinking we are worthy of contentment
Difficulty socialising, which may lead to isolation and feelings of loneliness
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Causes of low self-esteem
Although low self-esteem, like mental health issues, can be genetic, it more often than not stems from negative encounters and experiences throughout our lives. For most of us the negative voices started in childhood and were introjected; for others a trauma such as bereavement, serious illness or injury, or severe stress can amplify vices we have not previously listened to, or change our perception of ourselves. Some of the causes of low self esteem can include:
Physical or emotional abuse, including bullying
Neglect
Experiencing prejudice or discrimination, including racism
Worrying about body image, and the way we are perceived, often as a consequence of external influences such as social media
Challenges at work or school
Financial worries
Unemployment
Physical and mental health problems
Ongoing stress
Gender roles and societal expectations
Personality: some of us are simply more prone to negative thoughts
Not living up to expectations
Not fitting in with a peer group
When do you need a therapist for low self-esteem?
Using positive affirmations, giving ourselves small goals to achieve in order to boost our confidence, and learning to be more assertive can all help with boosting low self-esteem. It is not, however, always easy to break out of well established negative thought patterns, and we can end up developing unhelpful habits, for example drinking, as a crutch. Prolonged low self-esteem can also lead to depression, anxiety, self-harm and disordered eating, which is why it is important to try and confront confidence and esteem issues before they develop into something even more serious.
When our opinions of ourselves dip so low that it starts to dominate our thoughts, it can subsequently affect our actions when we become afraid to try anything new. A consequence of low self-esteem is that simple things begin to feel impossible, and when this occurs, we might need to reach out to a therapist who is trained to help us understand the origin of our thoughts and feelings. From there, we can begin to challenge our beliefs and alleviate our symptoms, and in so doing, increase our confidence.
Low self-esteem therapy: Types of treatment
A good place to start with low self-esteem therapy is by identifying the negative thoughts we have about ourselves. Once we have done that, we can start to focus on challenging those beliefs, putting them into perspective, and shifting our perception of ourselves into a more positive outlook. That is why, at The Modern Psychotherapist, low self-esteem therapy in central London and low self-esteem therapy in west London will begin with an initial consultation where we discuss your thought patterns, and identify your goals for undergoing therapy. From there, one or more of the following therapeutic techniques will be useful in beginning to understand, acknowledge, articulate and ultimately alleviate your symptoms.
Humanistic and Person-Centred Counselling: This is the most common form of talking therapy, where we get a chance to sit down for in-depth conversation and understand the hurdles you are struggling to overcome. This process will also involve learning to express the thoughts and feelings that accompany or drive these hurdles. At The Modern Psychotherapist, low self-esteem therapy in central London and low self-esteem therapy in west London takes place in a safe, non-judgemental space. This ensures you are supported in the therapeutic journey as we begin the process of acknowledging, understanding and articulating the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings you might be experiencing.
Psychodynamic Therapy: Built upon the ideas of Sigmund Freud and psychoanalysis over the last century, psychodynamic therapy is a traditional talking therapy and is usually undertaken over a relatively long period of time. By taking our time, we are able to employ a more in-depth strategy in which we explore past experiences often rooted in the unconscious mind and work to bring them to consciousness, as we begin to understand those experiences, and their effects, better. Becoming aware of deep-set internal patterns can lead to changes in obstructive and destructive behaviours.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, more commonly known simply as CBT, is based on the idea that thoughts drive feelings that drive behaviours. If our thoughts, for example, are constantly negative, those thoughts will start to negatively affect our feelings. The combination of negative thought and feelings will in turn negatively impact our behaviours, and soon we find ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle. If we manage to change one of these aspects in a positive way, it can break the cycle and start to make a positive impact on the other areas as well. Unlike psychodynamic and humanistic models, which are explorative talking therapies, CBT is more focused on the here and now, providing us with the tools to make positive changes to emotional, thinking and behavioural patterns. CBT is very useful at looking at negative thought patterns which can drive low self-esteem.
If you are ready to take the first step to get in touch with a therapist for low self-esteem, I am a fully qualified (MAPsych, PGDipPsych) and registered (MBACP) integrative psychotherapist, servicing the following areas of Central and West London:
Low self-esteem Central London
Bayswater
Low self-esteem West London
Shepherds Bush
Queen’s Park
I also have experience in helping clients with depression, stress, anxiety, trauma, relationship and family dynamics, communication, anger management, and bereavement.
Common Questions:
1) What do therapy sessions look like?
One-to-one sessions are undertaken either online or in person at the same time and on the same day every week, and will last fifty minutes. The goal is to create a consistent therapy plan within which we have a safe, confidential, non-judgmental space where we are free to explore our thoughts and feelings on a weekly basis Therapy is a comforting and stable process, and attending therapy consistently will helps to achieve emotional regulation
2) How do I know which approach is most suited to my low self-esteem?
There are many kinds of therapeutic methods available and at The Modern Psychotherapist I am qualified to integrate many of them into our weekly sessions. Which specific approach we will take is determined by your goals, needs, experiences and personality; because I believe in a client-centred approach, we will work together to tailor our therapy to suit you. My integrative approach utilises and blends Psychodynamic Therapy, Humanistic and Person-Centred Counselling, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, to suit you.